THE FINE ART OF PARENTING

Ideally, education is supposed to equip us with the knowledge and skills we need to prosper and be successful in the world; at the same time its continual endeavour should be to make us better human beings.The process of education begins immediately after birth. A child starts using his senses the moment it is born. These senses give it the stimuli it needs to develop and survive in the world.

Unlike many other animals, a human baby is a completely dependent creature and if not nurtured by an older, more capable being, will languish in a state of complete helplessness before giving in to death.The first and foremost influence on a child is usually that of its mother. She is the first medium through which a child starts experiencing the world. A baby is born with a ‘clean slate’ which gradually starts filling up as the child undergoes new experiences. No doubt many things have been pre decided through genes but there is a mammoth amount to be acquired. The human mind develops at an astounding pace from the moment a child is born to the time when he is six. It is by design that nature concentrates on developing that part of the body which is most needed, first!

Traditionally schools are supposed to be the specialized institutions that undertake to impart education. A good school is one which provides a variety of opportunities to its pupils. Education is not merely the acquisition of knowledge from books and other sources. Its real role is that of a problem solving tool and its essence lies in its applicability. Consequently, a school’s role holds great significance. A good school allows its pupils to dream and then helps them learn how to realize that dream. A good school also imparts moral values and trains its pupils to distinguish between right and wrong, good and evil and also gives them the courage, confidence and good sense to choose right over wrong and good over evil.Unfortunately we stand at a critical juncture today where many factors have come into play to adversely affect the ideal role of a school.

The approach to teaching and learning has undergone a great change in recent years. Commercialization has taken its toll on all facets of modern life and education is no exception.The emphasis now is on winning at all cost and the only criterion to judge the ‘goodness’ of a school is its results. Schools, particularly private ones, are commercial enterprises and can only survive and prosper if they concentrate on and succeed in acquiring good results in Board Examinations. This leaves precious little time for anything else, as teachers keep running from pillar to post to meet the (often unreasonable) demands of the administration and ‘finishing’ the syllabi; getting so caught up in making lesson plans and reports that the true spirit of teaching and learning eludes them.

The government run schools present another picture; where teachers and administrators have become so lackadaisical and apathetic because of their personal and professional circumstances that they have run out of the will and motivation necessary to doing anything worthwhile in life. Thus the traditional role of schools as character forming institutions has taken a back seat, giving way to new priorities of consumerism and capitalism. In fact stories of the institutionalization of corrupt practices in schools to acquire ‘good’ results in public examinations have become even more common recently.

No school can impart education, in the true sense of the word, alone. It needs the continual support of parents to achieve something worthwhile. In a day school a child usually spends about 6 hours, 5 or 6 days a week. The rest of time is at home or away from school. It is of the utmost importance that parents extend their whole hearted support to their child’s school, if they wish their child to have a wholesome education. A conflict of perceptions between teachers and parents can play havoc with the child’s personality. Parents have to teach their children to respect and honour their teachers, as no relationship can prosper and be beneficial if it is not based on mutual respect.It is most important that parents realize the scope of the greatest possible responsibility that they assume of their own volition after they decide to become parents. Their children, and even their later generations are influenced directly or indirectly by the way they view, perceive and carry out this great responsibility, as values learned and personalities formed during the formative years continue to exercise influence all through ones life and are also transferred to the coming generations.

A great amount of deliberation must be undertaken to ensure that children see and are taught ‘the right thing’ and that we as parents and teachers have reached at a consensus regarding what the right thing is!It is somewhat ironic that most mothers are so obsessed with a child’s physical growth that stuffing him/her with food, it may not even need, is one of their major worries, but nurturing and developing his mind is of little concern. From birth to age six is the most crucial part of a child’s mental development, as it is then that its brain is developing at its fastest pace and new notions and perceptions are being formed, which may stay with the child for the rest of his life.In our modern, middle class society it is often considered ‘necessary’ for both parents to have jobs, so that they can afford a reasonable quality of life. They may succeed in attaining that but it is the children that suffer!

 

Parents are so caught up in the vortex of ‘making it’ in the world, and the pressures of modern life place so great demands on their time and energies that they barely find the time to spend any ‘quality time’ with their children. They are content to let the children watch TV or use the computer endlessly so that they are not ‘bothered’ to spend time with them. In their well intentioned bid to provide more material comforts to their children and themselves, they tend to forget the reason for and essence of our brief, fickle and uncertain sojourn in the world. They, rather shortsightedly, also miss out on the incomparable joy they can derive from being an active part of their growing children’s life. Planning and carrying out different activities with ones children is not only a source of great joy for both the parent and child but also does wonders for the child’s wholesome growth and for promoting greater bonding among the family.

What is it that we want from and in life? The pursuit of happiness has been the objective of mankind from time immemorial. What will give this feeling of happiness varies greatly from person to person and culture to culture. Other than our basic instincts it is usually determined by the set of priorities that is formed in our salad days and usually adhered to in later life. Each person will have its own definition of a successful life and many factors contribute to the formulation of this definition.

A parent’s prime responsibility is to help its child arrive at the right definition and form the right set of priorities.A child’s education does not end when he leaves school at 2 pm. He continues to learn at all waking hours and so the responsibility of his learning can not be confined to his school only. Parents have to play their part too. In fact the emotional and psychological development of a child, which of course contributes vitally to his academic well being, is more of his parents’ domain!

A child is greatly influenced by his parents and research conducted by behavioral psychologists suggests a reverse approach in which a boy is under greater influence of his mother, whereas a girl will borrow greatly from her father, as far as emotional well being is concerned. Desirable character traits like self-confidence, integrity, honesty, patience and kindness etc can only be instilled if their importance is reinforced by parents and teachers and that too through personal example.

Thus all that the parents say and do before their child holds great importance, as it is this ‘data bank’, stored away in the back of his mind which a person unconsciously consults and borrows from, to build the framework of his character and personality.Provision of factors that contribute to the material well being of children is a prime responsibility of parents, but at the same time importance of extending consistent emotional and psychological support can never be denied. Young children need constant guidance in a loving yet firm manner; at the same time certain amount of independence and freedom to choose is also important. The parent has to learn to exercise his / her influence in a manner which is not dictatorial but friendly and which is based not on whimsical commands but logic.

It is important not just to issue an order but to explain to the child, according to his age and mental level, why something should or should not be done.Parents have to take care to ensure that they do not discriminate between their children in any way and encourage and support them at all times. It is also important to praise any good work a child has done in front of other people. Each parent must try to find time to spend with his children individually and take interest in what each one is doing. An interesting activity incorporating active involvement of the child can greatly help in bringing parent and child closer and making their bond stronger.

Let’s all remember that love in its truest form always has to be unconditional and the same should be true for the love between a parent and child. If each one of us takes full responsibility for setting up good and positive examples and ensures that deliberate consideration goes into bringing up our children many of the problems which confront us today can be solved.